Why Work with a Therapist?
It can seem a little (or, let’s be real, a lot) daunting to consider talking about some of our most vulnerable experiences with a complete stranger, so why exactly do people do it? Why has this been a practice for hundreds of years? And how does sharing some of our innermost thoughts, feelings & sensations really even help?
As a therapist with over a decade of experience, I have learned to appreciate that often people know themselves better than I ever will and so, why work with me, or any psychotherapist for that matter? Aren’t therapists supposed to be the experts? To that I say, absolutely not. Sure, psychotherapists have extensive training in understanding people and the way in which they interact with the world and the reciprocal relationship that exists within. They study theories, therapeutic techniques, and complete years of experiential training before becoming licensed. While these are all important, I believe the beauty in therapy isn’t in the knowledge or “expertise” if you will, but within the relationship that is built between two individuals. And yes, therapeutic relationships are much different than relationships built outside of therapy for a multitude of reasons, but this is also what I believe allows healing to happen.
Though there are many different types of psychotherapy, I have come to notice that several beneficial components remain the same amongst them. Here are the ones that I have found to be the most consistent:
1. Objectivity
Therapists practice with a certain level of objectivity that cannot be found as easily in other relationships. Part of what makes therapy work, and worth it, is that therapists are removed from their client’s lives outside of the therapy hour. This gives them the benefit of being able to see and reflect back some of the things that their clients might not be able see as clearly. Ultimately, this empowers clients to be able to make more meaningful and authentic decisions about their own lives.
2. Guidance
Though not “advice-givers” per se (in my opinion due mostly to the belief that clients will know best), therapists often help guide their clients through difficult times, transitions, emotions, sensations and relationships. And while you, reader, might be wondering if people really do know themselves best, I believe that at the root of who we are exists intuition, a deep inner wisdom. Now, this intuition might be blocked by past experiences, current stressors, or distorted narratives about self (see Compassion below), but therapists can help their clients find their way back “home.”
3. Compassion
For many a reason, as a species, we struggle with self-compassion. It is much easier for us to show empathy and understanding for others’ struggles than our own. The way in which many therapists practice helps to model compassion for self and others. Working with a therapist, they will model compassion for self and others with the goal of helping clients learn ways to turn their compassion inward and ultimately gain the gift of self-love. And as The Beatles sang, All You Need Is Love… so why not have that towards yourself?
4. Teaching
Now, let’s get back to this expert piece I said earlier and so as to not contradict myself, I want to be clear- I do believe that people will always know themselves deep down more than anyone else ever will; however, therapists have studied for years about people as a whole. And in these studies, they have learned many a theory, come up with some of their own, and are often open and willing to pass these teachings down. Working with a therapist, you will have the benefit of these years of education and experience and how they might apply to your life.
5. Practice
…makes perfect, right? Sure, therapists are often known to assign “homework” for clients to practice between sessions, though this isn’t necessarily the kind of practice I am talking about. Within the relationship with a therapist, you often get to “practice” (i.e. experience) what having a non-judgmental, healthy, and caring relationship with a safe other is like. Some of us haven’t been able to have that experience before therapy. And through this practicing, you get to build your relational skills to take out into the world with you. Through having a consistent, reliable and stable relationship with your therapist, changes happen within you and you can show up in your life in different ways than before.
You also get to practice what experiencing your feelings and coping with these feelings is like in the moment, with a safe person there to guide you. I often joke that it is important for us to “practice” our hard emotions in sessions, just in the same way that our car needs to make that squeaking sound when we take it into the mechanic. So that we therapists (or mechanics) can help with the struggle.
Of course, you will have to come up with your own reasons “why” working with a therapist is important to you. But I do hope that some of those listed above help answer this question, of why work with a therapist? And if you have any more questions on this topic, please feel free to contact me. I would love to hear from you.
Contact us to get started on your healing journey.
With warmth + gratitude,
Tesa