By: Tesa Emmart, LCPC, LMHC, SEP, PMH-C

The first holiday season as a new mom is supposed to be magical.
Soft lighting. Cozy pajamas. Baby’s first photos by the tree.
A sense of slowness and sweetness.

But for so many women-
new moms and seasoned moms alike-

the moment December hits, the pressure arrives too.

Suddenly, everyone has an opinion about:

• when they can come over
• how long they plan to stay
• whether you should travel
• how often they should hold the baby
• what feeding should look like
• how flexible you should be
• how “your generation” is doing too much
• what holidays “should” be

Whether this is your first holiday season or your tenth, here’s the truth:

Setting boundaries around your baby, your body, and your energy is not selfish.
It’s somatic self-preservation.

Let’s talk about why it feels so hard and how to do it without losing yourself in the process.

Why Boundaries Feel Hard (Especially Around the Holidays)

You’re not imagining it.
Everything feels louder this time of year.

Your capacity feels smaller.
Your tolerance feels thinner.
Your emotions feel closer to the surface.

And there are real somatic reasons for this:

1. Your nervous system is already stretched postpartum (or post-burnout).

Whether you’re sleep-deprived, touched-out, or carrying the weight of motherhood, your baseline is already activated.

2. You’re more sensitive to threat cues.

Even subtle pressure or comments can feel like a lot.

3. Your body is wired to protect your child.

This is primal, biological, instinctual.
Your system prioritizes safety and regulation over tradition or politeness.

4. Old family roles get reactivated.

Returning home for the holidays can pull you right back into old patterns:
the pleaser, the peacekeeper, the good girl.

5. Boundaries are often overcoupled with guilt.

You learned long ago that disappointing people wasn’t safe.
So saying no still sends up a flare in your nervous system.

None of this means you’re “too much,” dramatic, or failing.

It means your body is protecting you, and your child, the only way it knows how.

The Six Most Common Holiday Boundary Stressors for Moms

1. Unwanted advice (about sleeping, feeding, soothing, schedules)

Underneath your frustration is your system saying:
“I need to feel safe and competent.”

2. Pressure to pass the baby around

Your body often wants closeness while others want access.

3. Visitors overstaying

Your system is juggling recovery, overstimulation, and emotional labor.

4. Disrupted routines

Predictability = regulation for babies and mothers.
Chaos = dysregulation.

5. Judgments or comments about your parenting

Even subtle remarks can hit vulnerable places.

6. Guilt-based messaging

“We never get to see the baby…”
“She won’t remember…”
“We always did it this way…”

These touch the parts of you that learned connection = compliance.

Somatic Tools for Boundary Setting (New or Seasoned Moms)

These techniques focus on nervous system regulation, not just communication.

1. Ground before responding.

Feel your feet. Breathe. Let your body choose, not your panic.

2. Use micro-boundaries.

Small limits are still limits:
“We’ll stay thirty minutes.”

3. Pause before answering.

Your body needs a second to separate past pressure from present safety.

4. Protect rhythms as regulation- not preference.

“We’re keeping naps predictable because it keeps her regulated.”

5. Create partner cues.

A look, a hand squeeze, a phrase = “Help me end this.”

6. Leave early or skip entirely.

Capacity > tradition.

Scripts You Can Use (Kind, Clear, Somatic)

For unwanted advice

“Thank you for caring so much. We’re following what works best for her right now.”

For pressure to hold the baby

“She needs more closeness today. We’ll let you know when she’s up for more.”

For long visits

“We’re going to rest now, but it was good to see you.”

For guilt comments

“I know you’re excited to see her. We’re doing what’s best for her rhythm this year.”

For anything at all

“That won’t work for us this year.”

A Final Permission Slip for Every Mom Swamped by the Holidays

You’re allowed to protect your peace.
You’re allowed to change traditions.
You’re allowed to say no.
You’re allowed to rest.
You’re allowed to prioritize your baby.
You’re allowed to prioritize yourself.

You don’t owe anyone access to you or your child at the expense of your well-being.Your nervous system is telling you the truth.
Listen to it.